I’m not sure why I started this blog entry like that but it just seemed to fit my mood. In case anyone is wondering, I am currently sitting in a plastic lawn chair, wrapped in a blanket, while I use my grandma’s computer in the basement. Mine broke and until I get a new one, this is where I will be writing.
As many of you know, I’ve been on a gap year here in the cheese loving, beer brewing state of Wisconsin. I know, a very random choice! But it’s been an overall good and definitely interesting experience.
My experience this year has been, oddly enough, very similar to my experience drinking coffee. Here is a list of the many scenarios I’ve encountered while drinking coffee:
1) This probably happens the most frequently: I drink my coffee as I walk and, low and behold, more of it ends up on my jacket than in my mouth
2) OW GODDAMMIT WHY IS THIS COFFEE SO FREAKING HOT? Now I wont be able to taste anything for the whole day, great (well actually now I cant taste my grandma’s gluten-free vegan pumpkin pie so that is great)
3) When I start to question if the 4.50 latte I bought was worth it when I could have very well bought a regular coffee for half the price
4) The times when I am adventurous– I will spare you the foul descriptions of what some of my concoctions have tasted like
5) Hm, maybe I should have bought a muffin to go along with my coffee?
6) When I order a coffee and my debit card gets denied of a two dollar purchase (this hasn’t happened in a while but it still haunts me)
7) This is probably the worst– when I miss the train or bus because I was dumb enough to think I had enough time to get coffee; I never do yet I continue to think so anyway.
8) And finally, ah this is just right.
Similarly, each day of this year has been a new and unique experience. There have been many days where I wish I had done more, where the timing was off, where I was adventurous (sometimes working in my favor and sometimes not) and days that went as swell as freshly brewed cup of Joe. Okay, so maybe this isn’t completely related to the list above.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes you have to put on the entire pot of coffee not knowing if it’s going to taste like total horseshit or if it’s going to be the most amazing, mind-blowing pot of coffee you’ve ever made– maybe it will taste like both, I don’t know. The hardest thing I’ve had to learn this year is that sometimes it’s okay to not have it all figured out right away. That sometimes you have to just go ahead and put that entire pot of coffee up and figure it out pour by pour, cup by cup.
My main reasoning for taking time off from school and coming to Wisconsin was to “figure things out.” While I certainly have, it wasn’t in the way I anticipated. I’m not really sure what I thought, perhaps that Buddha would casually pull up a seat next to me at the coffeehouse and tell me the mysteries of life while drinking tea (I’m assuming Buddha drinks tea. Also, he would probably levitate so scratch the chair part.) I have yet to experience an encounter like that and, trust me, if I do I will be blogging about it in a matter of seconds.
Ironically, I’ve “figured things out” this year when I stopped thinking so much and when I started doing things I actually liked doing. I’ve been reading books for fun, writing, meeting new people, trying out new jobs, and, of course, drinking lots of coffee. It used to scare the heck out of me that I was going to school with no clear plan as to what I would do when I graduated. I envisioned graduating college as being thrust onto the street naked and then being chased by that three-headed dog from Harry Potter.
It still scares me that I don’t know exactly what I’m doing. It scares me that you can work so hard at something you love and fail miserably and then succeed at something you absolutely hate. It really is a terrible concept. But this year has taught me that sometimes you just need to go for it. And maybe that’s a horrible decision but then again, it could be that horrible decision that leads you to the next horrible decision, which then leads you to the best decision of your life. Life seems to be weird like that.
So now when I put on a pot of coffee, I try not to determine what it will taste like before I drink it. Because even if I screwed up the measurements and added way too much water and now it’s grainy and diluted, who cares? It’s still coffee, right?
I need to wrap this blog entry up because, in case you forgot, I am in my grandma’s basement wrapped in a blanket and sitting in a plastic lawn chair. But the whole point of this caffeinated tangent is that not knowing the result is scary but sometimes you just have to trust that things will work out, even if you don’t know how you’re going to get there just yet.