I took a walk up to the coffeehouse today because well, that’s where I go when I don’t have anything else to do. Usually, I feel kind of guilty about spending endless hours in coffee shops or as my grandpa says “wasting my life away.” But today I didn’t.
Normally I wake up every morning and think to myself “now what?” but I’ve been so busy lately that instead I wake up and think “shit, do I even have time to drink coffee?” This weekend I worked a lot of hours at the restaurant, one of them being Valentine’s day which was surprisingly not as unpleasant to work as I had anticipated. Actually it was kind of fun. As I watched endless couples come in, I couldn’t help but wonder the story behind their relationship. How long had they dated? Were they even dating? Were they a dog or cat kind of couple? You know, the basics. And then on Saturday night, a band came to play at the restaurant which basically meant that a bunch of middle aged women got white girl wasted and hit the dance floor. In other words, I got paid to watch people make a fool out of themselves; it was awesome.
I also met up with a couple friends this weekend (it’s weird to say that I actually have friends because for a while my social group was a three person gang; myself and my grandparents). I also got another job! (which is kind of up in the air right now so I don’t want to say too much). But yeah, things are starting to pick up and on top of that Wisconsin has been hit with a heat wave! (35 degrees, it’s a Christmas miracle).
Since it was such nice weather this morning, I took a walk up to Walgreens before going to the coffeehouse. There were piles of melting snow everywhere and it looked pretty gross but even so, it made me feel hopeful. It reminded me of when I first came to Milwaukee and walked up to Walgreens to break a large bill (and the only bill I had). Except for now, I have more than one bill and I feel happy to be where I am–I haven’t felt that way in a while. I used to automatically introduce myself as “Hi I’m Sarah and I’m from Brooklyn.” But I’m slowly beginning to feel more comfortable with being just Sarah and not “Sarah from da block” Brooklyn will always be home to me but I’m starting to realize there is a lot more to identity than your origins.
I’m also starting to realize that while reflecting is important, I reflect TOO MUCH. I’m always reflecting. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to take a moment and think about your life and where’s it’s taken you. But it’s also important to just go out there and do something and not constantly tantalize yourself with shoulda, woulda, coulda.
I’m still finding my way in Wisconsin and I doubt it will be home to me forever but in the meantime it is. So all I can do is keep trudging through these yucky snow puddles and hope that once they clear up, they’ll reveal something worthwhile.