Late Night Ramblings

The sky looked exceptional today.

I’ve noticed it before but today, I really noticed it. It had shades of wispy blue and pink that make you both nostalgic and disgusted with childhood cravings like cotton candy. It looked so enticing and mystical above the icy lake that, for a split second, I forgot where I was.

Five minutes later, I looked back up at the sky and it wasn’t there. The warm bundle of cotton candy was devoured and replaced by a light orange merging with grey. It was eerie above the tips of the tree tops and I felt ineffably disappointed with the sky.

And now, while I sit here blogging, I’m certain the sky is black. Just black. It’s kind of a weird concept how things are always changing but you’re not always a part of it, whether you like it or not.

It’s interesting to look at your own life. How much changes day to day, month to month, and especially year to year. Sometimes I feel like I’m a diagram. The ones where you have a big circle in the middle with lots of lines coming out of it. And then attached to every line are a series of bullet points. And then maybe some doodling on the side because making diagrams is, well, not really that fun. There’s you, in the middle of this mess of  a structure, but then there’s also lots of other factors. Lots of other people and places and influences that you can’t confine into such a simplistic organizing method. And even if you could, probably wouldn’t be able to fathom.

Sometimes I wish that life was pretty and color coded. Like those connect the dot sheets you used to do as a kid where the final product revealed a picture of a panda bear or a puppy or whatever. But real life diagrams don’t have a final product nearly that rewarding, at least not right away they don’t.

Because the dots in your own life don’t appear consecutively. There are numbers and letters and maybe even some hashtags. There are spaces between all these dots and no instruction booklet that tells you how to connect them all or what colors to use. So what are you supposed to do?

I’m still trying to figure that out.

I’m still adding lines to my web diagram and trying to connect the dots to create a somewhat manageable picture. It’s discouraging and frustrating and annoying and time consuming. But I guess that’s the point, that’s what makes it exciting.

Because life would be as painfully boring as infomericials if the sky was always just one color, if your web diagram was just a circle, if your connect the dot sheet was already completed.

Sometimes it feels like I’m jumping in a still pool of water, unable to create a single ripple. I keep jumping and jumping but nothing happens and then I just feel dumb that I’m not wearing rain boots. But I’ve learned the hard way that it’s okay when that happens. That it’s okay when your connect the dot diagram comes out like a lumpy potato instead of a panda or when you doodle instead of adding more lines to your web.

Because sometimes you learn things in the most unexpected ways and meet the best kinds of people in strange and unpredictable scenarios. And it’s moments like those that you can’t color code or look for in between the continuously changing colors of the sky.


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