Holy shit, it’s December.
I’m indifferent about winter time. I hate being cold and I hate that the only winter jacket I have is huge and puffy and makes me look like a deranged Eskimo. I hate that my nose is always red and that my eyes water profusely in the cold so I always appear emotionally unstable ( I’ve had several homeless men ask me why I was crying in New York)
But besides for my not so attractive appearance, there are a lot of things I do like about the winter. I like the way the snow looks when it’s freshly coated and free of dog piss. I like the cheery buildup to the holidays. And I love the way the bare tree branches are strung with an array of lights… and the occasional tacky ornament.
When I was younger, my dad used to take me to Prospect Park during the winter. We trudged through the snow, my dad in his Spider Man wool face mask and me in my bright purple snow suit. We drank hot chocolate from a thermos and I always found a stick, the size of myself, to hike with. Our winter adventures always included sledding. My favorite part was when I got to the bottom of the hill and my dad and two dogs were there to greet me. Snow speckled their snouts as they excitedly slipped around in the snow and my dad embraced me in a bear hug.
I miss that.
Because now, when I get out of my sled, no one is there to greet me. All I see are hills, covered in lots and lots and lots of snow. And now, I am left to forge my own path in a world swept in a thick layer of untouched white.
It’s funny how life moves both so fast and so slow at the same time. It’s slow when you try to swallow your grandma’s gluten free, vegan pumpkin pie. It’s slow when you’re taking an exam and are so unprepared you resort to doodling (a really exceptional one on the AP World exam). It’s especially slow when your grandpa reads you his proposals on the dysfunction of metal.
But life is fast when you do something you’re passionate about, when you meet someone that makes you feel unknown and weird combinations of emotions, and when you sit in a coffeehouse and think about the sleigh ride life has jolted you around on.
I’m excited for this winter. Not only because I can now shamelessly wear the holiday sweater I bought at Goodwill over the summer but because I have a better grasp of my life-size hiking stick. I’ve gained a nuanced understanding on the manual of maneuvering. I can see now that life has given me the tools to forge my path in the dirty, dog pee-pee stained snow– and I’m anxious to start digging it.
Life can be a whiny bitch but sometimes you gotta throw a snowball at her, take a swing of your hot chocolate, and laugh as you climb back in your sled.