I think it would be fun to be a nomad. Well not like those naked ones draped in animal skin or anything but a modern day nomad. I could travel the world and see amazing sights and meet new people and, of course, drink lots and lots of coffee.
I think about this lifestyle sometimes. And in my thoughts, it’s an awesome idea. But then factors like money and living arrangements and movies like Taken remind me that this idea is utterly unrealistic. But the real reason my mind comes up with these farfetched plans is partially because I am highly imaginative and usually bored at work but mostly because –I’m scared.
You know those dystopian, sci-fi movies where the main character is dropped in a desolate area surrounded by drooling beasts of some sort and forced to navigate the land with only the bare essentials? Well sometimes I feel like that’s my life. And, hypothetically, if there was a three-headed dog on the loose right now, I would be left to fend for myself. I’m not sure why I was dropped off in this eerie, unknown place while most people my age are bouncing around in their warm, college bubble. But I was and I’m here for a reason.
I guess the idea of being a nomad appeals to me because it scares me to be in one place for too long. Going somewhere new is exciting. But once you’re there for a while, that excitement eventually gets washed away by the rote of daily living. And, suddenly, everything becomes real.
Coming to Wisconsin was exciting at first. It was fun to explore new neighborhoods and discover new coffeehouses. But as the weather gets colder and I find myself waiting for the bus longer and longer, my excitement has gradually deviated into an overwhelming sense of frustration.
I’m currently working a part time job at a restaurant and spending the rest of my time working with someone to achieve my goals as a writer (seeing as I would love to pursue a career in this field). I’m not lazy. But for some reason, I can’t bring myself to get a full-time job. I mean yes, I’ve applied places and it hasn’t worked out with some of them. But hey, that’s part of the process and you would think that would only motivate me to try even harder to find a job. But it hasn’t and I recently realized why– I’m living in the fog.
I’m living in a world clouded with a thick fog of indecisiveness. And in the back of my mind, I know why I don’t want a full time job. It’s because getting a full-time job means that I have made a commitment that requires me to stay in Wisconsin and that being here is no longer a choice; I’m not sure if that’s what I want. I guess I find it comforting that I could jump on a plane at any point and go back home. But living in this in-between state is not healthy, in fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Okay so I might have lied a little before. I’ve been working my part-time job, writing, and watching Netflix. Last night I was watching How I Met Your Mother and at one point in the episode Robin looks at Barney and says “people gravitate to the past because it’s comfortable” and she’s absolutely right. For me, New York is comfortable. I know which train lines are the most efficient, the best places to order from in the middle of the night, and which benches I should absolutely never sit on. But in Milwaukee, I’m still struggling to differentiate the different bus lines and distinguish the somewhat decent pizzerias.
However, I’ve learned that all good things take time and I have absolutely no regrets about coming to Wisconsin. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be scared and angry and frustrated, after all, everyone feels this way at some point or another. But I’ve also learned these emotions can be detrimental if they are not channeled in a productive and self-motivating manner. I know good things await in Wisconsin, I mean how ironic would it be that an avid cheese lover like myself wouldn’t thrive in the state of cheese?
I guess my main take away for this blog entry is that change is scary but also extremely rewarding. And someone recently made me realize that although we are not always dealt a fair hand in life, we have the power to rearrange our deck and create something amazing and worthwhile for ourselves.
So in conclusion:
“An “Adventuresome Spirit” means to me the acceptance of the unknown path for the (potential) betterment of one’s self. You have the choice to continue as you have always done before… or you can tackle your fear and embrace the unknown to learn and grow – to become better and ultimately share your experiences” — Eric Resch, founder of a local coffee roaster in Miwaukee, Wisconsin